If our representatives are compatible, maybe we will be too?

…coming soon!

Friend-boys versus Friend-girls

Warning: Generalizations ahead. Read at your own risk

IMHO, sometimes friend-boys are easier than friend-girls. Another blog I write on another day probably will not proclaim the joys of friend-girls. <blank stare>

Friend-boys (aka., guy friends) are chill. You hit them up when you want to chat or need advice and they are cooling. They not asking you why they didn’t get that brunch invite to that brunch they saw you tweet about 2 days ago. Even if they mad, they might say something as a joke…like “oh, you must need some advice cause I don’t hear from you no other time…lol.” To this I respond, “homie, you are right. Lets go to Stans.”

Problem solved dammit! <blank stare>

Friend-girls? Oh, they feel neglected. Possibly, get mad? Most likely won’t say ish. Most likely will act out passive-aggressively. Maybe will act out out-ly. Might will…Probably will..maybe she wont, but then again, maybe she will? <blank stare>

So, yeah…clearly or not so clearly, I could go on and dig deeper, but to keep from being too one-sided towards friend-boys today, this is concludes my comparison. Lol.

Oh oh oh, but, why does any of this matter anyway? Well, I believe that some of the strongest/deepest friendships, amazingly, last through breakdowns in maintenance. In fact, any friendship that is really worth anything can withstand a little time and space….yes?

no?

To be further deliberated on…to be future-ly discussed.

I Guess Youre Just Not That Into Me

The theme today for me was #antiboredom. I woke up from quite the exciting nasty if youre nasty dream and thought, “Will someone give me life!?! Let me be great!” …Not in general, but in “courting” <–  Look at me trying to hold on to the past.  But that’s what I’m talking about.  A screen play! He writes it and chooses a studio. She reads and (1) suggests edits or (2) says hell no. He (1) edits it and resubmits to her or (2) says “naw, I’ll go to another studio.”  You don’t get it? Okay, I’ll stop.

So, I remember one time not long ago that I was halfway and unenthusiastically talking to a couple guys…

Now, now, “talking” in my vocab, does NOT = “touching” and if there is more than one guy on the roster, then clearly beyond a shadow of a doubt, none of them have inspired me on that level yet N E way. In an area where there is A LOT of “on-paper” quality that doesn’t readily translate into anything in terms of human interaction a strong mutual connection, if you want your attention stimulated for any amount of time, it may take talking to multiple guys at once. Lol.

Anyway, I promise I talked to one and texted/chatted with the other two within 24 hours who all said the same thing. And no, it wasn’t, “Did you hear Don C. died?” It was some witty something about me or us. No, wait, not quite witty my spirit says…it was just kind of wack. I mean, these guys weren’t losers, but damn if shared “swag” can’t be a b*tch of a loser look-alike :-/ Upgrade your creative. But no, Im just going to assume that I’m the problem to avoid controversy . Maybe I gave none of them the individual attention they needed to be great. None of them gave me the attention I needed to take’em seriously. Maybe, just maybe, may…be…

So, this memory crossed my mind this morning as I searched it for the latest greatest pursuer. Well I’ll be damned if it wasn’t this stalker-like fellow from the summer. Smh. Okay so that made my point mute o_o  cause I was going to say “come harder” …but no…

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I can’t tell if it’s me or if its “he” when it comes to things fizzling. Do I get bored “too” easily? Am I not giving enough attention? And, why am I so under-motivated about the person/situation when talking/dating???

It hasn’t always been like this.  I haven’t always this bored or underwhelmed by supposedly interested males. Contrary to popular groupthink, “currently single” does not = “OUT of a relationship all my life.” smh. Since starting college, I’ve been in one serious relationship or another 75% of my life. It hasn’t even been a whole year since my last serious relationship and most of the time since then Ive been trying to contemplate and work on NOT being -that- girl… the one that’s lovingly called “Cole World.”

But why should I be criticized? I have great friends, expect greatness out of new friendships, and expect greatness from any man brought among and into the circle of my friendnesses. Greatness. Pretty much the same things I expect of my “ooh l luv u so” friends: Fun not boredom! Guidance/Growth! Inspiration! Consistency! Smart “hard” work/Hard play! Dependability! Realness! Genuine caring/Best interest/Back-having! Down-to-Earth Bouges (prounouncd boug-is not bougies)! Loyalty! A desire to get to know me past the surface. An interest in improving the lives of other people. Oh, Sexy. I like sexy friends.  Oh..food, so if you can cook or love to travel, that’s a bonus:-)

#offTrack My point: Why come Im “Cole” cause I value and prioritize not only greatness-friends (i.e., posess qualities I love) but greatness-friends that reciprocate my affections?

Idk if my womanlyhood suggests I should just… uh, expect less than I know is possible, less than I give, less than I want AND/OR get or stay with someone that’s more into having a “girlfriend” for title’s sake or for show, than for the journey in experiencing me/we? Wait wait wait, did I just write “journey in experiencing me”?  lol. Please excuse the lioness typing. I’m so out of control. But, you know, my point is, I… cant…really…do it…

I guess until someone is “that” into me that “gives me life”, I’ll live vicariously through my own dreams!

signed//
Ms Cole HnyTea

Where Reality Fits on the Dymeliness Scale

The movie “2 Million Minutes” revealed that self-confidence is something that folks in the U.S. have NO shortage of. In fact, we rank higher than other industrialized countries in self-confidence while failing in math, English, bio, chem, physics, world history, etc. Sooooo, what exactly are we so confident about? Idk.

But, during the week I found a quote on twitter. It said something like, “what people do lets you know who they are, what they say just lets you know who they want to be.” My first read made me think “There are two types of people: those that talk the talk and those that walk the walk. People who walk the walk sometimes talk the talk but most times they don’t talk at all, ’cause they walkin’.” –Hustle & Flow

Okay…that’s a lot of quoting. Lol. But, in other words, my first thoughts were, “are you talking or walking? …cause you need to be walking!”

On my second read however, I thought, wait, it doesn’t have to be either/or. Talking is brilliant. Stating your goals makes them tangible in a sense—out of your head. Talking big talk about what you can and will do in some ways makes you responsible, especially if you surround yourself with good friends/support systems that will hold you accountable.

Ok, Okay, hold that thought. I was on a date with a male friend the other day who asked me to rate myself on a scale of 1-10. #pause “date with male friend” = get to know you better outing because there is some romantic interest to being explored by one or both parties. #unpause I went off the cuff with my first thought: 6.5 – 7

He was NOT feeling that. Why? Cause no dude is trying to date anyone below a 7. Now I’m wondering, “a real 7 or a made-up 7?” As he rated himself he included job, drive/ambition, 5-yr potential, race/gender/education ← all the things that are on par for him. He didn’t include… okay, I wont go there, but Ill just say, “all the things that are not so on par for him.” Lol.  “Reality is chilly” –Red Tails

…And I hate the cold, but still I’d rather live in reality. No, I don’t have low self-esteem, but in my calculation, I tried to include both (on par/off par). But, despite me being difficult, this experience helped me to see that maybe my talk isn’t BIG enough(?). There is absolutely nothing wrong with making big plans, setting big goals, and big-talking yourself…as long as your actions and activities are in line. In other words, talk big and then take steps big enough to keep up with those sound bites. That’s actually a great way to live.

Back to me and my dymelessness though…

Do I think people would prefer to date people who have bamboozled themselves into thinking they got a reason to be conceited about life? Okay, I’ve been there, and it was fun, but I’m not so much into dating delusionals anymore. Regardless, I still wouldn’t feel quite right touting myself as a 9 or 10, BUT by agreeing to answer his question, I already gave into limiting myself to his scale. #fauxPas#1 In real life, I honestly don’t think of we should rate ourselves on a scale of 1-10, comparing ourselves to our other folks that we don’t even really know. Since self-knowledge is the most readily available, I try thinking: “what I’m capable of” minus (–) “what I’m actually doing” equals (=)??? Hopefully, there’s no difference ← One day I will get there, but until then, I’m perpetually striving for more.

The dyme scale WONT hold me down! Lol.

Friendship Bits: Love. Trust. Vulnerability. Time.

Disclaimer: This isn’t what I had in mind when I brain-birthed this blog.  I’m no hallmark kid, but the consistent concept twirling through my mind all day has been ‘”friendship.”

My mind was playing with questions like: What’s organic about friendship being initiated, cultivated, and sustained? What only happens to be fostered by time and space boundaries? What will last?  Even, “what is friendship?” considering many folks have many people to refer to as “friends.”

One answer I found: “Friends are the bacon bits in the salad bowl of life” –Anon

Well, not if you don’t eat pork (thx L.H), but you get the point.  Lol. I liked this one because I use the term “friend” as loosely as the quote suggest. Friend to me is anything from

Surface Friendship. Party Friendship. I-thought-we-would-be-friends-by-now-but-it didn’t-turn-into-anything Friendship. You-my-friends-friend friendship. Co-worker Friendship. Networked-Ya Friendship. You-the-homie-only Friendship. Boyfriend friendship. Ex-boyfriend friendship.  Want-you-more-than-this-but-youre-my-friend Friendship. Bestie Friendship. Bestie-for-the-long-haul friendship. Were-besties-idk-what-happened Friendship.  To I-just-clicked -“accept”-on-Twitter-Friendship :-/

Today, I stopped to think and appreciate the friendships formed years ago and how they, despite lapses in contact, changes in life, and personal growth, still snap right back into place upon contact. I mulled over the friendship that grew super strong at one point in time that now consist of interactions strained by an invisible wall of unexpressed emotional distance. I thought about the friends that were there for me on my darkest day(s)–at my neediest hours–that I feel safe to call on whenever there is trouble.  Then, I thought about how laughter must be like salt in those friendship bacon bits and how grateful I am for all the joy they bring in love, in trust, in vulnerability, in time.

If I came to any conclusion, it’d just be that I should cherish the relationships I have while I’m blessed to have them. There is none one can predict and there is none “too” small.  Every friendship has a role in the life and times of what has made me and the accumulation of my happiest, corniest, most significant, or most laughable memories. …And no matter how insignificant they may look to an outsider, each friendship makes that bite of salad of my life more fun and flavorful and worth eating.

I feel pudding-like…lol. Thanks for reading

Hello world!

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. — Steven Wright

 

lol